Compromise
Compromises are necessary in a long standing relationship.
I found this post I never published, written in April 2006.
Compromise means "A settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions."
It does not mean one side giving in to the other. That is power and subservience.
Compromises are easy when the stakes are low or when one side does not feel strongly about the issue. Compromises are hard when both sides feel strongly and the stakes are high.
But ultimately, in all healthy relationships, compromises are made. Each side comes to an understanding of what the other wants and is willing to meet them in the middle. That means each side figuring out what is most important to them, what it is that they're really after. And then letting go of their ego and what they've said they wanted in order to ask for what will help them feel loved and honored. It takes two sides willing to come to the table. It can't happen until both are ready. It can't happen until both acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, they could have been wrong. It takes two people who are ready to apologize and work together to make the situation better.
Giving in just to get it over with and make everyone happy often enables abusive, controlling behaivior to continue. I deserve better. There are things that I could have and can do better, and I want to make amends, but I do not want to bang my head against a deaf wall. I want to work together to make sure that we all feel loved and honored and respected, but I don't want to give in. Giving in will leave me feeling unloved, disrespected and dishonored. I deserve better.
I found this post I never published, written in April 2006.
Compromise means "A settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions."
It does not mean one side giving in to the other. That is power and subservience.
Compromises are easy when the stakes are low or when one side does not feel strongly about the issue. Compromises are hard when both sides feel strongly and the stakes are high.
But ultimately, in all healthy relationships, compromises are made. Each side comes to an understanding of what the other wants and is willing to meet them in the middle. That means each side figuring out what is most important to them, what it is that they're really after. And then letting go of their ego and what they've said they wanted in order to ask for what will help them feel loved and honored. It takes two sides willing to come to the table. It can't happen until both are ready. It can't happen until both acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, they could have been wrong. It takes two people who are ready to apologize and work together to make the situation better.
Giving in just to get it over with and make everyone happy often enables abusive, controlling behaivior to continue. I deserve better. There are things that I could have and can do better, and I want to make amends, but I do not want to bang my head against a deaf wall. I want to work together to make sure that we all feel loved and honored and respected, but I don't want to give in. Giving in will leave me feeling unloved, disrespected and dishonored. I deserve better.
1 Comments:
"Giving in just to get it over with and make everyone happy often enables abusive, controlling behaivior to continue."
I'd say it depends on the stakes involved and the relationship involved. If the stakes low, and the other person isn't abusive in general, but just showing a human tendency towards irrationality, sometimes it's better to roll your eyes and give in.
Post a Comment
<< Home